Accepting Your Needs ≠ Being Weak

In a world that prizes performance, adaptability, and flexibility at all costs, acknowledging your needs can seem suspicious. Or worse: uncomfortable.

And yet... For many autistic people, this pressure to erase oneself begins in childhood. Because their needs are seen as "too specific", "too intense", or simply "not like the others". As a result, asking becomes hard. Listening to oneself becomes shameful. And burnout becomes inevitable.

But if your needs are there, it's not to cause trouble.They’re there to protect you.

It’s not comfort — it’s regulation

In the context of autism, needs are not superficial preferences. They are regulatory variables. The entire neurological system is in overload — this is not a whim, a fancy, or a preference.

Concrete examples:

• Noise-cancelling headphones? Not a quirky fashion statement. They're a means of surviving auditory overload.

• A fixed routine? Not excessive control. It’s a vital anchor in an unpredictable world.

• Being alone at a party? Not rudeness. It’s a way of preventing a meltdown.

📚 Multiple studies have demonstrated the impact of the sensory environment on stress in autistic individuals(Brown & Dunn, 2002; Schaaf et al., 2011). Sensory overload significantly increases cortisol, the stress hormone (Corbett et al., 2006).

💬 The little phrases that hurt

• “You need to get out of your comfort zone.”

• “You can’t always do things your way.”

• “In life, you have to learn to adapt.”

➡️ These may be said with good intentions, but they invalidate the huge efforts already being made.For an autistic person, just showing up in an open-plan office, a family gathering, or a supermarket can be a feat.What seems “small” to others can feel like climbing Everest without ropes.

And the worst part? These phrases reinforce the belief that growth only happens outside the comfort zone. That’s simply not true.Exceptional human beings — likely autistic — like Jane Austen, Benjamin Franklin or Einstein transformed the world from within the safety of their comfort zones.

🛠 Needs ≠ Fragility

Accepting your needs does not mean giving up on growth. It means building on stable foundations to move forward.

• Need for anticipation: helps reduce avoidance behaviours linked to anxiety (Wigham et al., 2015).

• Need for stimming: allows for neurological self-regulation during sensory overload.

• Need for withdrawal time: supports recovery after crises or intense social interaction.

  
  

Rather than hiding them, consciously integrating your needs into daily life will make you stronger — not weaker.That’s energy recovered, mental strength redirected, and control regained over your experience and your neurology.

🌱 Self-respect leads to resilience

Society praises those who “give it their all”, who “go beyond their limits”, who “never stop pushing”.But you know what? No one can sustain that. No human — not even a neurotypical one — operates at 100% all day, every day, for 90 years. Only machines can perform without variation. And you are not a machine.

You have the right to choose your settings.The right to say “no”.The right to need a place, a pause, a rhythm.

This isn’t weakness. It’s clarity. It’s strength.

🔍 In summary

• Your needs are valid.

• Listening to them isn’t giving up on life — it’s making life liveable.

• What soothes you is more precious than what makes you look 'normal'.

• And above all: you don’t have to prove anything to deserve feeling okay.

  
  

📚 Further Reading

• Corbett, B. A., Mendoza, S., Abdullah, M., Wegelin, J. A., & Levine, S. (2006). Cortisol circadian rhythms and response to stress in children with autism. Psychoneuroendocrinology.

• Schaaf, R. C., Benevides, T., Kelly, D., & Mailloux, Z. (2011). Occupational therapy and sensory integration for children with autism: A feasibility, safety, acceptability and fidelity study. Autism.

• Brown, C., & Dunn, W. (2002). Sensory Profile Manual. Psychological Corporation.

• Wigham, S., Rodgers, J., South, M., McConachie, H., & Freeston, M. (2015). The interplay between sensory processing abnormalities, intolerance of uncertainty, anxiety and restricted and repetitive behaviours in autism spectrum disorder. Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders.