What Happens After the Diagnosis?

Once you’ve realised you’re autistic — whether through an official diagnosis or a pre-diagnostic assessment with a specialist therapist — you may go through several phases.

These phases are entirely normal. While some can feel overwhelming, each one is a meaningful step towards greater self-acceptance and a clearer understanding of how your brain works.

And as always… there are as many forms of autism as there are autistic people. So you might go through one, two, all of them — or none at all.

The Denial Phase

“None of this is really going to change anything,” “I’ll still be able to do everything like before, just like everyone else…”These are typical thoughts in the denial phase. You might find yourself downplaying the difficulties you faced before the diagnosis, telling yourself that if you used to manage to go shopping (for example), you’ll keep doing it just the same.

For some, this denial can also take the shape of questioning the diagnosis itself, sometimes grasping at rather far-fetched alternative explanations (like complex trauma with total dissociative amnesia, for instance...). In short: your psyche may try every possible route to deny either the difficulties of autism or the very existence of autism in your life.

What to do? Nothing. Try to simply notice that this is a denial phase — and give yourself full permission to go through it.

Do all the research you need, ask every question that feels important. This stage will, in the end, help you build solid acceptance of your autism.

The Flashback Phase

You might find yourself replaying the past — and suddenly spotting some glaring signs of autism you hadn’t noticed before. This phase can feel especially intense if your diagnosis came later in life.

What to expect? A mental review of all the challenges you’ve faced that were actually related to autism — and often, a sense of injustice about the times when others judged you harshly for things that were simply part of your neurotype.

What to do? Use this phase as a chance. Whenever a memory resurfaces, write it down — and rewrite it.If someone judged you negatively: write a different conclusion about yourself.This is a golden opportunity to work on your self-esteem and correct the false beliefs that the lack of diagnosis may have left behind.

The Anger Phase

And often… it lands on your parents.They didn’t notice your autism. They had all the signs in front of them and still saw nothing, did nothing.And consciously or not, you may hold them responsible for the pain you've endured due to the lack of diagnosis.

This phase is one of the hardest. It drags you into the realm of family relationships, past injustices, and possibly longstanding resentment that goes beyond autism itself.

What to do? Don’t mix everything together.If you’re angry at your family for reasons unrelated to autism, talk to them — but at a time when things feel more settled. As for autism itself: treat it like a coming out. You’re under no obligation to talk about it right away — or at all.What matters is that you feel calm and safe enough to accept whatever reaction they might have.

And your grievances? Make sure you’ve had time to think them through so that you can express them clearly, calmly, and constructively.